The Fact, Faith Feeling Train

Life is much like a train and we certainly don’t want to have a train wreck for any reason.

I can’t believe the difference I feel from one day to the next. So much depends on getting proper sleep and not falling into the worry abysses. I’ve done research in the past that shows that 85 % of what we worry about never happens. When counseling friends, I share this statistic with them. But when it comes to myself, it’s a different story.

For instance, I have a daughter with colon cancer and I find myself often going down the rabbit hole of worry about her even though her doctors believe she will have a positive outcome. By October, she will be done with her chemotherapy treatment. She lives in Bozeman Montana and I’m in Chicagoland. Every day, I fight worrying about her. I put her in God’s hands again and again.

The fact is she has colon cancer. Faith is praying that God will use all means to bring health to Deborah again and the feelings change from day to day for many reasons.

The weather in Chicagoland has been beautiful and I’m very much an outdoor person. I’m writing this blog today sitting on my deck looking at a plethora of beautiful flowers, a blue sky ahead and occasionally a humming bird flying from flower to flower enjoying a variety of nectar. I have every reason to be content. But I often battle with my feelings-the caboose-wanting to run my life train.

What’s the problem with feelings running my train? Yesterday I had a bundle of energy and happiness. I got so much accomplished including ending my day with a 10-mile bike ride. I felt like the eagle described in Isaiah 40:31. In fact, I didn’t want the day to end since I enjoyed it so much. But I couldn’t relax enough to fall a sleep until around 2:30 AM and then I know the next day will be difficult. I will lack energy and will fight worry and depression.

I want to accomplish so much more with my life than I have. After retiring from teaching, I stepped into many volunteer programs. It’s important to find one that fits the individual. I love playing the piano once a week during Thursday lunch hour at Good Shepherd Hospital. But it’s not enough for me. I would like to play the piano more, teach more and help children.

My adult children and my grandkids are at the time in their lives when they don’t need my help much at all. It’s a sad time for me, but it’s reality, a fact, and I need to find other ways to engage with those who could use my gifts of listening, teaching and music.

So, there you have it—the train of Fact, Faith and Feelings. I try to run my life by the engine of Facts and Faith that God will use me to help others. I’ve learned not to trust the caboose-feelings. They change from day to day and can’t be trusted. Stay well and enjoy the Labor Day Weekend.